Ever since i was a young girll li have always had manly questions. Will i live to make it 18? Willi have kids, graduate, fallin love and get married? Will i move out my parents house and get a job? Will i be the best parent i can be, or will i be the same as my parents? My dad used to hit my step mom when they would arguee, now as for my mom i am not so sure i do not have so much memory of them together but only pictures. As i got oldeer i had a tendency to like older men i now realize why. My father never showed me the love i wanted my parents did drugs the whole nine. My dad even used to take his anger out on me and my brother cause we were older. Well in the past like i said i llooked for older men to be with. That was the one mistake i regret. I went through so much i still cry when i think about it, but i was not the victim in most cases. i use to vibually abuse and even try to start fights. I played them and they played me. I was beat, pistol whipped and even tooken advantage of boys i never knew or seen. I lost my virginity at 11. I now loook back and say i am proud of the person i am today casue that has made me who i am today. I walk down the street even travel and is see different couples but i can tell when they are hiding something cause i been through most of it. even though i am young i grew up way to fast. I used to give guys money and do what they want me to do cause i used to think thats how you keep a man. I learned that is all bull shit and that is never the way. i used to think a man had the right to hit you, to put you down a nd fully control you. That is also bull shit. I recently was in a relationship, middle of last year, where i gave everything that i had  to prove how much i loved him and wanted to help him but he just never changed. He used to put me down and talk to other girls in front of me. he used to say i was for the money. I left him after mothers day about a month before that things started to go down hill he hit me and just always talk shjit to me. i would cry my eyes out in the shower asking god why am i being treated this way. Then after mothers day i realized i was being used so i left him in the morning while he was ssleep. I never called him then he went to jail, i saw him the day he got out and my heat started beating so fast could it be that there was still love for him? No it was not cause i talk ed to him again and the same thing happened i thought he changed but it was all a show. I stopped talk to him and lets say he was not happy. But i learned that i always for some reason end up with someone who is abusive due to growing up around it, and its not healthy not only for my but for my daughter to see. I am now in a relationship with someone i care about he is so good but i have a wall up that i am scared to let it down. I went to high school with him seen him all the time but never thought i would end up here. He is a wonderful man respectful and responsible. He does not disrespect me and is everything i could ask for. We were friends for like three months and now we are in a relatonship. Today is valentines day and he is working until 11 lol but thats okay. I stayed home today and thought about how i ended up with him and how different he is from all the others, i think about grateful i meet him. My past relationship do cause some of our arguements cause i doubt him and trip. Then i think how i am glad i went through all that cause now i can know what is the differnce between a helthy/non healthy relationship. I am a strong individual who is doing everything i can now and i know the sky is the limit. Wheni set my mind to anything i can do it. Never let a man hold you down or take asvantage of you. It is not worth it at all. I have scars and behind everyone is a story that i have to tell. nobody should ever be treated or go through what i went through to find love. If you arein a relationship and it like that get out of it seek help or even try to work it out with them, i just ask do not let it continue cause the out come is not always pretty. There is help talk to someone or do something about it.