Relationships are complex! Once you step into a relationship you are no longer only thinking about yourself anymore. Your first relationship will also mold a lot of your perspective toward relationships. My first relationship was okay, there was a lot of love and lasted about two years. It was the definition of puppy love, we wouldn't spend more than three days apart. It was the ideal relationship for the first year then after that things started getting worse. We started arguing and he cheated on me. Him going in and out of juvi never helped either. My second relationship was very abusive, both mentally and physically. It ended quickly, after four months. By my third relationship I no longer knew what love was and when I received it from my third relationship I couldn't appreciate it anymore. Even when he treated me nice I couldn't love him back, he never did anything wrong but I just didn't know what love was anymore. I didn't love myself anymore thus couldn't love him. My fourth relationship was horrible and its a nightmare just thinking about it. But I am now in a relationship that I love being in, and I feel like I'm learning how to sincerly love again. I am reflecting on my past relationships to make this one work. I am also rethinking my reactions and actions to be more positive. I really feel like I'm growing in many ways. He is teaching me how to love life :)